Eating to live

Boy, when you hit 50, another milestone birthday, your wife starts thinking about keeping you alive longer in your later years. She realizes that youve been eating fast-food your entire life and dessert before bed every night. When you watch the nightly news, theres at least one story of some movie star or singer having a heart attack or bypass surgery. Then you start thinking, I wonder how clean my arteries are?

My wife then decided its time to clean out my pipes, so I wont have to go under the knife later on — whether I like it or not. Gone are the nightly scoops of ice cream before bed. Gone are the mashed potatoes and gravy that Id have seconds and thirds of on Sundays.

Gone are the fried foods I loved so much. Now theyre just a memory. Shes buying baked potato chips (not oil fried); shes baking my French fries (not oil fried) and Im only allowed fried chicken (something I just refuse to give up) once every six months or so. How harmful can that be?

Her choice of cooking oil is now olive oil, which leaves a terrible smell to everything she cooks and she fries ALL your meat and vegetables in it. If youre doing the cooking, you have to do it really quick, because you dont want to get that olive oil too hot so that it burns. The smell is awful!

I now eat 1/2 cup of oatmeal for breakfast EVERY morning to keep me regular and to make sure I get enough fiber and it lowers my cholesterol. Gone are the eggs, bacon, sausages and pancakes with syrup on the weekends. Gone are the sugary cereals I loved in my youth. Now I eat the bland oatmeal. It makes the wife and my doctor happy.

We eat chicken and fish regularly with salad and baked potato. We use fat-free sour cream and salsa instead of butter. I only get a great steak and barbecue ribs (to die for) once a month, just so I dont forget what they taste like.

Its not so bad. Ive lost 30 pounds. It keeps my wife happy and off my case, and Im not making my doctor any wealthier. Notice when your wife changes HER diet, you change yours too, whether you like it or not? After all, shes the one that brings the food into the house and prepares it. So be it. Its our way of life now. Hopefully no surgeries for me. See you at the next milestone!